*INTRODUCTION*
Before Ukraine’s President, Volodymyr Zelensky, arrived in Washington DC, he should have stopped over in London to take lessons from UK’s Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, on how to negotiate with high-ego personalities. A successful negotiation with such personalities requires a huge volume of massage applied to their fat egos which is the trick Mr Starmer mastered and exploited to full advantage when he met with US President, Donald Trump, a day earlier than Zelensky’s catastrophic meeting.
At the start of the Trump-Starmer meeting and before anything else, Mr Starmer pulled out an envelope from his suit’s breast pocket (in the same meekness a job applicant pulls out an application letter before tabling it before a potential employer. Let’s not forget that the US was once a British colony) and handed it to Trump. Trump after reading the letter, opened the 2nd page to check if the letter was signed personally by the sender (classic stuff for people with fat egos, they take particular notice of little things that might rub wrongly on their egos). Trump after reading the letter then asked Mr Starmer if he would read it out to the world press gathered and this is where Mr Starmer seized the moment, he announced that the letter was an invitation from His Majesty King Charles (which I believe Mr Starmer must have engineered) extended to Trump for a 2nd state visit to the United Kingdom. He then massaged Mr Trump’s ego deeper by saying this is really special, it never happened before, it’s unprecedented, truly historic and that the 1st state visit was a tremendous success (regardless of what Mr Starmer who was an opposition leader at that time felt about the visit, but he had to praise the visit because people with fat egos don’t like to be criticised) and Starmer went on to say that the 2nd visit will even be better with Trump nodding his head all through. Mr Starmer masterfully massaged Trump’s overbloated ego to the point that if he (Starmer) had demanded Trump to sign-off America back to the British at that point, he stood a very good chance of getting away with it. Rather he (Starmer) asked for a trade deal which was like a piece of cake for Trump to concede.
Zelensky did nothing of such as Mr Starmer. He (Zelensky) appeared lost and lacked situational awareness and seemed to have no clue who he was dealing with, perhaps from the traumatic and stressful events of the past 3 years of Russian aggression that has cost over a million lives on both sides. His meeting unlike Starmer’s ended in a fiasco and a shouting match and he (Zelensky) was shown the door unceremoniously out of the White House. Further engagements which included a lunch, further discussions behind closed doors, a joint press conference and signing of a minerals deal were all cancelled. Zelensky left DC empty handed with his own ego badly bruised and the future of his country left hanging in the balance!
*The botched Trump-Zelensky meeting provides lessons for us all in navigating complex meetings, particularly in relation to negotiating with people with inflated egos or aggressive postures.*
The lessons include:
*1. Emotional Intelligence:*
Zelensky’s ability to manage emotions, both his own and those of his hosts, in a high-pressure environment was in a way deficient. He knew his hosts didn’t like him much. Back in 2019, Trump facing re-election battle against Joe Biden asked Zelensky for a favour to commission an investigation into Biden’s son’s activities in Ukraine so that he (Trump) will use it against Biden, but Zelensky refused to play ball. Zelensky knew Trump was keeping a beef with him and in fact Trump called him a dictator only days before the meeting. If Zelensky had other alternatives, he may never have wanted to go to DC for a meeting with Trump, but he had to go. This is the reason he should have been at his best game in emotional intelligence. To begin with, for the first 40 minutes, the meeting went well with very friendly and cordial remarks from Trump and same for Zelensky, then questions and answers and just about when it was to end, Trump asked for one last question and it was VP JD Vance who stepped in to talk politics saying Biden for 4 years talked tough but watched Putin invade Ukraine and the path to peace and prosperity for Ukraine is to engage in diplomacy and diplomacy is what President Trump is doing. The VP’s statement was not even a question directed to Zelensky, he (Vance) only massaged Trump’s ego as the only man to bring diplomacy to the situation. At this point Zelensky should have deployed emotional intelligence by doing either of 3 things and not more – ignore Mr Vance or nod his head or if he felt strongly to respond he would have massage Trump’s ego further by saying diplomacy was difficult in the past but now that Trump and Vance are onboard, he (Zelensky) believes they (Trump and Vance) will get diplomacy to work. This would have settled it. But Zelensky was obviously not happy with Mr Vance’s comment taking the matter from a political perspective, so Zelensky let his emotions loose and he tried to school Mr Vance and people with fat egos don’t take any schooling from anybody especially publicly before the cameras. This was Zelensky 1st mistake.
*2. Building Respect:*
People with fat egos crave respect at all times. Zelensky made his 2nd mistake by addressing Mr Vance as JD instead of using his title of Vice President. People with fat egos consider it disrespectful if you don’t address them with their titles – so if they have 20 titles as they do in Nigeria, please make sure you name them all. If you want to succeed with such personalities, don’t give them a chance to feel disrespected.
*3. Defensive position:*
People with fat egos don’t want to be put under the defensive especially in the open because they react with arrogance and a sense of self-importance and attempt to shoot you down. This was Zelensky’s 3rd mistake by pushing back to Vance saying what kind of diplomacy could you have done JD, what do you mean? Zelensky then went further on to challenge Mr Vance if he has ever been to Ukraine to see the frontlines interjecting Mr Vance accusation that Ukraine is conscripting people to the frontlines. Mr Vance’s fat ego was stroked the wrong way with this open challenge (he accused Zelensky of litigating before the press) and his response raised the tempo of the discussions and started the disintegration of the meeting, and sadly so.
*4. Active listening:*
After Mr Vance raised the tempo of the conversation, Trump was still listening without saying a word. Mr Zelensky needed to have at this point listened to the tone of the conversation and refrained from making further comments and waited to discuss further behind closed doors. But he did not, rather his further comments then drew Trump into the conversation. This was Zelensky’s 4th mistake.
*5. Language barrier:*
English is not Zelensky’s 1st language, so some of the words he uttered were different from what his heart must have meant e.g. when he said Ukraine was alone in the war was a mis-speak given the help he has received from the US and Europe, Ukraine has never been alone. Trump didn’t like this, someone else could have excused Zelensky’s English language deficiency but not Trump with a fat ego. People with fat egos cannot stand not being recognised or appreciated at every turn and corner. This was Zelensky’s 5th mistake.
*6. Empathy:*
When negotiating with people with fat egos and perhaps with anybody for that matter, you have to show them empathy always. Zelensky by saying Americans have blue oceans and they don’t feel the effect of the battle, but they will feel it in the future was a diplomatic faux pas. This sounded more like a threat and people with fat egos don’t want to be threatened! They react very badly to it. Expectedly Zelensky’s words rubbed wrongly on Trump’s ego and that’s when he (Trump) entered the conversation by taking very strong positions against Zelensky by saying – don’t tell us what we are going to feel, you are not in a position to dictate what we are going to feel, you are not in a very good position, you don’t have the cards right now, you are gambling with the lives of millions of people, you are gambling with world war III, you are being disrespectful to the United States etc and all the while Zelensky was interjecting Mr Trump and the talks were disintegrating at high speed (Mr Vance must have been feeling very happy at this time as Zelensky was going down!). This was the point that Zelensky’s ambassador to the US knew that her boss has lost the meeting and threw head into her palms! This was the 6th mistake by Zelensky not showing empathy, using threatening language and turning a high-profile conversation into an argument including interjecting Mr Vance saying he was speaking loudly which again Trump did not like. You don’t give ammunition to your enemies, Zelensky did in full measures.
*7. Defiance:*
People with fat egos don’t like defiance. Prior to the visit, the White House sent a message to Zelensky to appear in a suit as a sign of respect to the office of the President of the United States. Zelensky has been wearing ordinary clothes since the war started which is a very good thing to identify with his troops who are paying the supreme price daily and his people who are being bombed massively. But in dealing with people with fat ego, Zelensky needed to show some response to the WH request even if it meant wearing a military suit but instead, he remained defiant and appeared in his regular t-shirt which was the 1st thing Trump commented on once Zelensky stepped down from his limo at the White House. This was the 7th mistake.
*8. Remaining Calm Under Pressure:*
When dealing with egos that may attempt to dominate or derail progress in a meeting, you have to remain calm and know when to step down your position. Zelensky entered into an argument and wanted to have the last voice by interjecting Trump and Vance intermittently as they made their points, and it was a matter of whose voice became louder. At this point, Zelensky lost the meeting, and he needed to recognise this and calm down under the tremendous pressure that Trump, Vance and the hostile American press were putting him under, but he did not, he was responding word for word in front of the press and hence the American public. Trump will never take that. If this heated argument happened behind closed doors, there could still have been a chance to move forward but not before the American people. This was Zelensky’s 8th mistake.
*9. Strategic Concessions:*
Negotiating with people with fat egos and to establish credibility with strong-willed individuals require making some concessions to foster collaboration or buy-in. People with fat egos walk away feeling defeated and their egos wounded if they invest their time and yet they don’t get any concessions at all. It helps to concede some ground to them even if you don’t negotiate away your core values and national interests. Zelensky knows Trump has a liking for Putin, but he went on calling Putin a killer and terrorist (Zelensky was correct on this) but you don’t focus on personalities in a high-pressure meeting such as that especially those the other party have a soft spot for. Zelensky went to DC with a clear objective, get Russia to stop the war and get security guarantees. He needed to remain focused on these objectives and refrain from focusing on Putin. Trump commented severally that Zelensky has a big hatred for Putin and Zelensky needed to take the cue. What happened here is akin to people who keep praying to God to kill their enemies without knowing if such so-called enemies are actually God’s friends! This was Zelensky’s 9th mistake.
*10. Fat Egos Hold their ground:*
People with fat egos always want to hold their ground. They never accept that they can be wrong. Trump got the presidency on the slogan of ‘Make America Great Again (MAGA)’ and ‘America for America’. So, sending help to Ukraine would have meant going back on his words. So, the Ukraine minerals deal was a face-saving measure to let American people think that he would be sending help to Ukraine and getting something in return for the American people. Zelensky must have recognised this and conceded which was a good thing because he (Zelensky) and his people have their backs against the wall. But what Zelensky perhaps did not do enough was to THANK Trump for masterly putting together _a world-class deal that no human has ever done,_ which would have been music in Trump’s ears. People with fat egos want to be recognised as the saviours of civilisation, and the more thanks you give them, the better their fat egos are massaged, and the better the chances that they will do your bidding. This was Zelensky’s 10th mistake.
*CONCLUSION*
In conclusion, if we don’t need anything from people with fat egos, there is no point in meeting with them if we can’t take the lessons above. But if we need anything from them, the above 10 lessons should serve as a guide for us to thread carefully with them and avoid the landmines that potentially can blow up a meeting within minutes as President Zelensky learnt the hard way in DC on Friday.
For President Zelensky, he walked into a trap of some sort setup by VP Vance. The talks have collapsed. Europe alone may not give him the fighting teeth he needs. Russia is backed by China and perhaps North Korea. The odds are stacked against Zelensky and his countrymen and women. I urge President Zelensky to take steps to repair the relationship with Trump including offering an apology to President Trump and to tell Trump that he is the _only man on the face of the earth who can bring peace to Ukraine._ This may sufficiently massage Trump’s ego enough to bring back the talks to the table.
I know a lot of readers of this article will be angry with me for taking this position to advise Zelensky to apologise. However, to me, between an apology and a possible Russian overrun of Ukraine, I will go for an apology as a far lesser price to pay.
Zelensky must go into begging mode – he needs America, but America doesn’t need him that much, so the scales are not balanced in favour of Zelensky. My people say – ka we kpelan a kpela, u kor ambi ave (meaning when a child begins to crawl, there’s a tendency to rub shit on their hands). President Zelensky, kill your ego, go and beg, and get the US back to the table. And when you go back, know that you are not dealing with normal humans but homo sapiens with perhaps the fattest egos globally so please learn the 10 lessons above and much more, listen to your diplomats and keep meetings straight to the points with much success. Don’t fall cheaply to bobby traps and distractions.
I wish you and Ukraine all the best.
Nick Agule is a Nigerian citizen who is passionate to see an end to the bloodshed in Russia and Ukraine and elsewhere in the world.
Email: nick.agule@yahoo.co.uk
X: @NickAgule
Gatekeepers News is not liable for opinions expressed in this article, they’re strictly the writer’s
